With this ring

After four months I can finally put my ring back on!!!! The carpal tunnel had my fingers so swollen I had to take my wedding rings off to prevent having to cut them off later.

You know how you forget your cell phone or watch and you look for it all day long??? I have been like that everyday since my last trimester began. Every time I put on lotion I would frantically look for my rings, only to remember they were home in the box.

All day today I kept staring at my once naked hand at my beautiful solitaire. It was given to me at the Carolina Theatre on March 20, 2005 at the debut concert of the John Brown Quintet. My husband called me on stage….wait….. Fast backward…. My then fiancé 🙂 called me on stage in front of lots of family, friends, and strangers lol and asked me to marry him. I said I hate you and the rest was history.

No typo. That’s really what I said. I said I hate you over and over because he got me. I hate surprises and he had me looking all plain on the night I got engaged. He could have at least told me to dress up for the concert or something. NOPE! Instead I had on plain black slacks and a plain pink sweater. Also, I think I had a rusty ponytail. Could a sister been told to get her “kitchen” permed??? Smh. In addition to the fashion no-no, the highlight was that he flew in my biological father that I had never met in person. It was wonderful, but my answer was I hate you!!! Lol.

All these memories and more ran through my head today while glaring at my ring. Washing dishes… At red lights…. Cooking turkey wings…. I couldn’t stop looking at my now complete hand.

My wedding bands joined the party on May 20, 2006. Besides sending my ring for repairs, and losing it for a week in my kitchen (don’t ask.. Just know …….. I was ready to call Allstate the day I found it lol) this was the longest period of time I has been without my ring in 7 years of marriage.

I am so excited to have my rings back on. 7 years has not always been easy…..

But through it all…… I’m still alive and wearing my ring!!!!!

6/15 – The Muffin is here !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part of the reason I decided to blog again was to share the crazy story of my pregnancy and birth of my third daughter, Muffin.  This was the rockiest of all my pregnancies with quite a few hiccups along the way. To make a long story short…  Somewhere around month 5, high levels of protein were found in my urine.  I had to do TWO, 24 hour urine samples which was NOT COOL.  Basically I had to void in a jug and save a whole day’s worth or urine.  AND to top it off they expected me to keep it cold.  CERTAINLY they didn’t think I was going to keep it in the fridge where my food was?  They must be crazy.  It went straight in the garage.  Glad it was January!!! I had to see a Nephrologist at Duke that put me though blood tests to rule out lupus, ultrasounds to make sure I have 2 kidneys, and more and more money into the Duke healthcare system…  Basically all to say… they don’t know what is wrong besides the baby is making my kidneys work too hard..  Hundreds of dollars later…  smh.  The edema (swelling) was crazy too.  My toes looked like Vienna Sausages.  By the last few months I was reduced to Nike Cushion thong flip-flops.  I wore them to work, church and everything.  Even a ballet slipper hurt because the edges pressed into the sides of my foot.  I did keep my feet pedicured because wearing flip-flops all the time, I could not have my heels looking like crumb cake.  That’s not ok.

So…… fast backward (as my nephew once said trying to say fast forward)…  to May 17.  My last day of work.  At my appointment on May 15 my blood pressure shot up out of the blue.  I had already been suffering from pregnancy induced carpal tunnel so work was already a hurdle for me.  For these reasons I came on home.  Moderate bed rest and I had to monitor my pressure daily for the nest week just to be sure I didn’t become pre-eclamptic.

Right about 36 weeks…  I began to have contractions.  I was home alone with my girls and my husband, Big Daddy, was out at a rehearsal.  I was already dilated to 2 cm so I began to worry.  With the birth of my first two girls, both came in less than 3 hours.  So once I started to have contractions I didn’t want to wait for my water to break.  I went ahead and called and they told me to come in.  Well…. now I have my girls, and I didn’ think it smart to drive myself in case a contraction hit on the road…  so I did what every sensible person would do.  Go to the neighbors house!!!!  I left my girls with the neighbors children and my neighbor drove me to the hospital.  The whole time I am calling Big Daddy I am getting sent straight to voicemail.  How smart is it to be in a building on Duke campus with NO SIGNAL with a wife on moderate bed rest at the house that is already 2 cm?? LOL   I called the band leader…. no answer.  NO signal.  Next I called my husband best friend Toothpick. He took over calling my husband for me so I didn’t have to.  He also high tailed it from Raleigh to Durham in no time.  Just in case Big Daddy couldn’t be reached, he wouldn’t allow me to be alone.

So I get admitted and the contractions are still going but I not progressing into active labor.  It wasnt Braxton hicks, but I just wasnt progressing.  I stayed for 8 hours and only dilated 1 more centimeter.  So I was sent home.  This time with the instructions to be on strict bed rest now.  They wanted me to keep the baby in until 38-39 weeks to make sure the lungs were finished developing.  No driving, just resting.  The doctors wanted me to make it to 38 weeks at the least before the baby came.

My MIL came to help me because the kids still had to get to camp, and daycare and I couldn’t drive…  So.. we waited.  The doctor discharged me by saying You will be back probably in the next few days…  so we waited…  three days went by… a week… two weeks… three weeks… no baby.  I made it all the way to 39 weeks.  I had a doctor appointment on June 14 and I was already 5 cm.  Certainly my water was going to break soon.  That next morning about 5:00 am contractions started…..

This is where it gets good… LOL

I called the hospital and they told me to come on in.  After all I was 5 cm and with my history of fast delivery they didn’t want it to happen at home.  So I told my husband giddy up!  We throw on clothes (no shower or nothing, just quick wash face, brush teeth, comb hair down… ) and Big daddy is putting on cologne.  REALLY?  Who needs cologne to go to the hospital at 6 in the morning?? He talking about he doesn’t know who he might run into… SMH.

As we are walking out Big Daddy grabs a blanket.  I thought ” Aww he thinks I might get cold”  after all it is 6 am.  SIKE…  he gets the blanket for me to sit on in case my water breaks on his leather interior on his new Ford Expedition.  SERIOUSLY???  You are worried about your truck??  I’ll just freeze.  Teeth chattering, but the seat is protected.  LOL

We get admitted and Big Daddy with all his personality starts in on the Nurse.  She was really sweet so we had a ball cracking jokes and stuff.  So it’s about 8:30 ish and some of our good friends were pregnant and due around the same time.  She had passed her due date and was scheduled to be induced the following week.  I am texting her saying how we are in the hospital etc.. and low and behold, her water breaks.  REALLY?  I’m 5 cm and NO WATER and she is 1-2 cm and her water breaks???  By now all my contractions have stopped so I am just chillin.  She goes to the hospital, has an epidural, and a baby all while I am waiting for my water to break.  I was sooooo annoyed.  lol  Did she really have her baby before me??  and I am now 6 cm?? Still no water ???  LOL  Dont get me wrong I am very happy for her but I was sooo ready to get this baby out of me!!

Crazy enough Big Daddy had a gig that day and we had to make a decision if he was going to go or stay with me.  Considering it was 2:30-3:00 and still NOTHING happening, I told him to go.  He stayed until the last possible minute and left at 4.  Despite the fact that he smelled good for the nurses he still needed to shower and get ready for his gig.  So he leaves and I am just chillin again.  My MIL and the girls came to the hospital around 5 so I wouldn’t be alone.

The doctor keeps coming in and checking on me in between delivering other babies.  She wont send me home because I am too “open” to be just walking around.  She already tried scrapping my membranes to hurry the process along but that didn’t work.  Finally about 7:30 she came back and said ” You still don’t have a baby?”  This is crazy.  She decided to break my water.  I thought immediately after that happened fireworks would start… but they didn’t.

I texted Big Daddy GIDDY UP!  so he could come on back because any minute now the contractions were going to start.  He got back to the hospital around 8 ish and still nothing.  Around 8:30 – 9:00 fireworks pop off.  I didn’t want the girls to see me in pain so we sent them and the MIL home to get some pizza and wait for the good news before my face started twisting in anguish.

9 Pm… it was on and poppin.  Like the delivery of my last two girls I am anti-pain meds.  NO EPIDURAL…  So I had to Man up and endure the pain.

If no one has ever described to you the feeling of a contraction it is indescribable.  And keep in mind this started when I was 6 cm so they didn’t start out like baby ones… when they came… they came.  The delivery nurse was really good.  I guess she was trying to help and she took a wet face cloth and was trying to wipe off my face… but she was getting my hair wet.  Ummm that’s a NO-NO.  While I appreciated it all I could think about (in the midst of contractions) was…. I just paid for this hair.  My stylist came to the house that Monday to have this hair “laid” and she is messing up my edges.  NOT OK.  I asked her to stop.  I can’t have my hair messed up.  I can remember Big Daddy explaining to the nurse I didn’t want my hair messed up.  I don’t think she understood…. but my husband knows how I am.  He told me he would get it done again if it was messed up… LOL  It was not a game.  Black women don’t play with getting their hair wet.  LOL

As the pain and contractions get closer and harder Big Daddy keeps telling me “You’re doing good!”  Those three words mean a lot.  During labor and delivery and after…

So.. finally I get to the point where I feel I need to push.  And in 4-5 pushes she is here!  My Muffin is born.  She was 7 pounds, 11 ounces and 19.5 inches.  I was sooo happy it was over.  Hearing her cry is the best sound in the whole world.  The person that was growing inside me has joined the world and made her first sound.  It’s such a profound moment that tragically gets interrupted by the pain of another contraction.  And this hurts even worse because you are done but not done.  Your miracle is born but the pain hasn’t stopped.  You still have to pass the afterbirth or the placenta.  UGH.  This sucks.  I mean, they have the chord, why can’t they just yank it out?  I suppose that would mess up stuff.  So 10 min later the placenta is passed and then it is really over.  Or is it?

NOPE….. now I have to get up and finally go to the bathroom.  This is a part I used to look forward to.  The nurse would clean your “area” with warm water which feels soo good.  However, as I am walking to the bathroom I start to feel like an addict going through withdrawal.  My teeth are chattering, my body is shaking and I am freezing.  The nurse said it’s just my body adjusting to the fact that I am 1 person again and not 2.  Either way the crack head effect was not the business.  I did not like that feeling.

Finally my nerves settle, I get back in the bed and I have a Muffin all wrapped up in my arms.  Big Daddy went to get the girls, my MIL and some FOOD!!!  By now it’s almost midnight and nothing is open.  I wanted some REAL food.  So Big Daddy called Trips because they close at midnight.  He got them to place an pick up order!!!  I got some shrimp and scallop pasta and a Cesar salad!!!

My soul was happy!  My Muffin was born, and my belly was full.

Through it all….. I’m still alive.  Now the real work begins…  a newborn.

Just Me – Durham Diva

A moving GIF showing a basic 3 ball-cascade juggling pattern: good for juggling explanation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello.  I am the Durham Diva trying to hold it down with 3 kids, a fabulous husband, a job with direct reports…. OH…….. and did I mention one of the 3 kids is less than a month old???  Whew.  I juggle lots of balls, schedules, and people.  How does it all happen?  This blog will give you some insight…….

Hopefully from my blog women, wives, and mothers, will be inspired or at the very least feel like someone out there is worse than you are, so you can appreciate your situation. LOL  I insert humor in almost all things so feel free to laugh at my pain 🙂

This blog will entail my most recent birth story, weight loss woes, work stuff and more…  I often talk about many people in my personal life but I give them code names.  While I have agreed to open up to the world, they have not. 

Hopefully you will enjoy reading about my juggling act.  It’s no special story, as I am sure MANY mothers and wives share the same story.  But this blog is MY story.  Full of ups and downs but through it all…. I’m still alive. 

Queue music…. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little longer…. (Kelly Clarkson)

Three little pigs

Three girls and a husband keep my on my toes!!!! I had the nerve to have all three girls  5-6 years apart.  My girls are everything to me but it is such a juggling act.  My oldest is 10 going on 11.  She is a trip.  If compared to the three little pigs she would definitely build her house of straw.  She is so sweet and compassionate that she can often get blown over, like the first pigs house.  We are working on that though.  She is starting middle school soon and my pumpkin pie has to toughen up!

My second daughter, my sweet pea is 5 going on 6 later this year.  She is definitely the pig that built their house of brick.  Can’t nobody blow her down or tell her anything!!!  She already knows it all!  I can’t wait for her to start school in the fall.  Once she gets into school… she will meet her match.

And the newest addition to the Durham Diva’s is almost a month old.  My Muffin.  She is so sweet but the beginning stages are something else.  With the big gap in the kids I feel like I have forgotten everything.  I know I have forgotten what it feels like to sleep through the night.  I havent done that in what seems like forever!!!!!!!!!!  She is a joy but a lot of work.  The good part is, she is totally worth it. I wonder if she will be the one in the middle that has the personality of the pig that built the house of wood.  Or will she be more like Pumpkin or Sweet pea?  Who knows…

Somehow we managed to mirror the ages of my husband and his siblings with the 5-6 year age differences.  We realized we will have a HS Senior, 6th grader, and a kindergartener in the same year…….  CRAZINESS!!!

While my muffin doesn’t have much going on she has her own doctors appointments, my oldest is in performing arts camp, the middle girl is in daycare but they have 2-3 trips per week that I have to prepare her for.  The daily routine is crazy.  My muffin is the unpredictable one right now just because of her age.  She is the only one that can slap me or scratch my face right now and it’s cute.  The first time she hit me with a right hook I had to remember she was a newborn….. LOL  Cause I don’t play that mommy scared of the child foolishness.  Save that for the cray cray parents on Dr. Phil and the OWN network.  We don’t play that up in here… lol

In a nutshell those are my girls.  My Three little pigs.  I am sure once the school year starts it is really going to get interesting.  I am going back to work in a few weeks and once the kids start activities… it’s going to get hectic.  I am definitely going to need some organization method better than just committing things to memory. That worked with one child.  With two I failed so I know with three I need help.  I often drove up to the school or daycare and they were closed.  SMH.

Any moms of multi kids have any suggestions I am open to ideas.  Although I am sure I will figure it out…. Through it all..

Ciao for now.